Dear Friend
by OhSoVeryLovely
Summary: Everything has changed. Jake's accidentally knocked someone up, Marks on drugs, Henry has a boyfriend, Jessica has a secret, Kim's not the best, Sarah's being expelled, Mike's in love and Kyle and Nigel are Joesph and Mary in a wig.
1. Chapter 1

January 4 2011

Dear friend,

This is weird. But what happened was weird too, and that's why I'm writing it down and writing to you. I get the feeling you'll understand why it happened to us, the bakers, and me, Jake. You'll understand more than I ever will.

It all began just over two months ago in October as I picked up the phone.

"Jake- that _weely really _silly Ann's gone again…"

I sighed and shouted to mom that Charlie was slurring down the phone again. Nothing new. It's something that happens just about monthly. Anne Murtaugh breaks up with him and he calls us pissed out of his head, then halfway through the call she'll arrive back at his door again. And that'll be the end till next month.

"Dude, let me guess, she broke up with you again, didn't she."

"Uh-huh," Charlie chuckled to himself, "I am very, very drunk, little brother." 

"I figured as much." I passed the phone to mom who had just arrived on the scene and was trying to stop him from drinking any more jack. I felt like laughing at the hilarity of it all. And it was funny in a sick, twisted, ironic kind of way.

"Look Charlie, I'm sure it's not for real," mom assured him to a strangled reply, "Ann loves you- YOU WHAT?"

Sometimes I think us Bakers kids are self destructing and that's our problem. In fact I know it is. All twelve of us.

Mom ran her hands through her hair, "Maybe it'll be best for your dad to speak to you- Just don't do anything- he'll call you up later. Bye." She sighed and turned to me. "Promise me, you'll remain a virgin till your thirty five and engaged to a nice woman, Jake, 'cause it's not worth the trouble."

_Fat chance of that happening. _I smiled. "Right mom…"

"You're a good boy Jake. Try, stay that way." _God, make me feel any guiltier. _"Nigel, Kyle, Gunner is not a football! Oh, and Jake, dinners at six. Don't be late unless you want to miss meatloaf!"

Grabbing my board and backpack, I headed out the door to Sarah's car. Too bad she wasn't up to drive it. Too busy sleeping in. In reality I probably drove Sarah's car more than she did, but unlike her I didn't have a job to fund gas or even buy a crappy old beat up vehicle.

My job's to make 'Now or Never Ever" hit the big time. And we will- eventually- the world is missing out on our powerful renditions of nineties punk songs. Know matter what Henry-mister-big shot-winner-of-Julliard-scholarship says. No one listens to him anyway.

"God Mark, you smell disgusting."

I turned to see Kim, Jessica, and Mark all piling in to my (I mean, Sarah's) car, and to be honest, I had to agree with Kim's statement. Mark did smell bad.

"Dude, you do know you're meant to shower every day." Mark shrugged and rested his feet on the dials, "Whatever."

"Well you could at least put deodorant on," Kim chided, "Some people have tests today they need to study for without smelling that."

"Yeah, tests to beat Joshua Rosen," Jessica muttered.

"Who's Joshua Rosen?"

"The most arrogant, egotistical, geek to ever live. And he has a GPA of 4.00, the ass. I hate him."

"There's a thin line between love and hate." Mark drawled.

Kim scowled. "Right."

We turned the corner to the high school and Jessica nearly fell out the door in her haste to leave, without even a goodbye. Mark left with a 'later, dude' and Kim followed him muttering about test scores and the honour roll.

It's weird. Jessica used to be just like Kim. Now…they're not.

"Yo, Dan, Eric!" I skated over to my friends and 'Now or Never Ever' band mates, Dan Carmichael and Eric Truman. They're what you would call typical skater dudes or, if like the rest of the high school population, losers.

The baker family has never really been a popular one. Kim's a geek, Jessica's a loner, Sarah's, well…a bit of everything and Mark hangs out with the stoners.

I guess now's the time I realise I have more in common with Mark than I first thought.

Dan, the first friend I met after realising I couldn't hang out with Sarah and Mike at school (A. Because Sarah's in the grade ahead of me and B. Because Mike's four years younger and still in middle school), ran a hand through his sandy coloured dreads and offered Eric his cigarette. "Hey, you going to that party tonight?"

Eric nodded, "Sure, as long as Marks sisters there. Sarah, now that's one hot older woman…"

I looked at Eric threateningly. "You wanna say that again?"

"I mean…now that's one intelligent young…girl who's not hot in the slightest."

"You're saying my sisters ugly now?"

"Not hot or ugly but…attractive… that's the right word."

I chuckled and looked at my schedule that I still couldn't remember. I think it's my subconscious protesting. Next period was Math and Heidi Carson happened to be in it. Seventeen and stuck listening to Midland's next answer for Malibu Barbie. It's enough to make you want to kill yourself with the electric sharpener.

"Whose party is it anyway?" I asked, stuffing the schedule in my backpack.

"Um, I'm not sure." Dan said vaguely, glancing awkwardly at Eric.

"Yeah, it's- it's probably- no one's."

I raised my eyebrows. "It's Heidi Carson's. Isn't it?"

They shrugged, "…Maybe?"

"You know, what have you got against her anyway? She's hot."

"Well that make's it alright then, if she looks like a good fuck its fine."

"Oh no, she is. Cody told Jude who told Brett who told me…" Eric started. I cut him off.

"Whatever, guys. If it's a party, has free beer and good music I'm there." They smiled in satisfaction and high fived. "No matter if it's being hosted by a stick insect in a blonde wig," I added under my breath.

They didn't hear.


	2. Chapter 2

January 5 2011

Dear Friend,

Now if you're reading my story, you are probably wondering how any of it has anything to do with what happened to the Bakers. But trust me, really, it does. In actual fact, Heidi Carson's party is the one thing that changed everything in my life, the rest of the bakers lives included.

God how I wish I wasn't such a sucker to peer pressure.

But back to where I was. Math, to be precise. I was in Math staring out the window and wishing I was anywhere else but that room. This fat guy that chews gum really loudly was sat on my left and Miss Preppy Princess was sat on the other. And to my surprise she wasn't concentrating either but staring at something in her lap. Probably _Vogue_, the magazine, ironically, my older sister Lorraine works for. Squinting, I looked a little closer and saw it was in fact _Great Expectations _by Charles Dickens, possibly the most boring book high school ever forces you to read. She seemed to be enjoying it though. I smirked. Whoever thought Heidi Carson could read?

"Okay. You can stop staring at my legs you know, Jake."

I jumped and felt myself blush. _God, what a douche_.

"No…" I stammered, "I wasn't. I'm- I'm not a pervert."

She raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow and the fat guy laughed so hard he spat his gum into my dark brown curly hair (Something I wouldn't find until later_. Damn my hair and its hiding places_). I looked up to see pretty much the entire class staring at me and laughing and I mean I've had my fair share of embarrassing moments, but this took the piss. I didn't want pervert added to my list of _adorable _pet names.

"Well, Mr Baker, now that we've established that you are indeed not a pervert may we proceed with the lesson?" Miss Dowager asked.

"Yes Sir- I mean Miss…" God, I was babbling, and I couldn't stop staring at her moustache. "We may precede with this extremely interesting equation on…on...math…"

I sunk down in my seat so much my face was barely even visible. _God, what a douche._ I still hate _her_ though._ And as if I would look at her legs anyway, I don't like her or her perfectly toned legs or her cute little knees or her sexy thighs- wait- can thighs even be sexy? _

No.

Thighs are definitely not in any way sexy. Especially hers.

For the rest of the day I kept a low profile, I was not in any way going to encourage the nickname 'pervert'.

And it worked until lunch, when I only went and met Sarah in the queue for the soda machine. She ruffled up my hair, "Hey, little bro. Heard you've become attracted to a pair of legs."

I grimaced. "How do you know about that? I actually worry about the way news circulates in this school."

"Don't worry. I only know because Heidi happened to come up to me and tell me, I quote, 'Your brother is a weird stalker.'"

"That did not make me feel any better."

"Was it supposed to?" Sarah smirked, "So are you still going to her party tonight then?"

I nodded, "Well obviously…how did you even know I was going?"

"Everyone is. Even Kim."

_Even Kim. _I thought about asking if Jessica was but there wasn't much point. The last party Jessica went to was Dylan's back in elementary school. And look how that turned out.

"Whoa, you better watch Kim, who knows what that girl might do under intoxication."

She laughed and rolled her eyes, "Yeah, it's always the quiet ones."

But anyway, back to the party that changed everything. The party was just like any other party that a popular American girl throws while her parents are away.

It was _crazy_.


	3. Chapter 3

January 6th 2011

"Dude, are you high?"

Mark looked up from his Edgar Allen Poe book – he was deep like that – his eyes so red to the point where he was doing a pretty good impression of voldemort. He stared at me vacantly and I waved a hand in front of his face. The boy didn't even blink.

"Seriously, Mark, you need to lay of the weed a little bit. That stuff can literally just destroy your brain cells. There are studies that show persistent use can decrease your IQ by up to ten points - before you ask - Kim was the one who told me that and she knows her shit, all I'm saying"

He looked at me blankly before mumbling, "Whatever."

I really don't know what happened to him. He was always a bit of an outcast, always the weird ginger kid with a penchant for studying squirrel poop and bird calls, but as soon as he hit high school he kind of fell in with the stoners. Although fell probably isn't the right word, more like became. Now he spends most of his time getting high and reading Oscar Wilde with a genuine look of interest on his face. Weird.

"Hey Jake, Mark. Have you seen Mike today? It's just that he promised he wouldn't get another detention and I really don't want him to break the promise, because that would mean I would have to actually ground him and be all, _you know, _parental."

I looked up at dad who was still in his coaching uniform. If there was any guy that was more oblivious to his many children's problems it was him. At least mom kind of had an idea, dad, on the other hand was a complete and utter moron when it came to parenting.

"No dad, but knowing Mike, I wouldn't want to be the one to make a bet on whether he had a detention today."

Dad sighed, "Your right, god, you know, I'm starting to think Sarah wasn't the only one in this family born with a dark gift. Mike is acting more like a male Sarah in miniature every day."

"…Yeah, _anyway, _dad, I have to go because _I _am going to a party tonight," I said, taking some pineapple out of the refrigerator. "This pineapple is awesome…"

"You're going to that party tonight?" Mark asked suddenly.

I stopped mid mouthful of pineapple, "Uh huh, isn't everyone?"

He laughed even though I had said nothing even remotely funny. Clearly it was so unfunny to him that it was actually funny, "Your right, man, your right."

I rolled my eyes.

The baker family was certainly a strange one.

Sarah drove everyone to the party, and by everyone, I mean Kim, Mark and me. Mark was still stoned and acting like a Zombie and for some reason Sarah was pmsing, so you can imagine that it made conversation rather limited. Unfortunately for me, Kim was there to save the day and enlighten me with her 'fascinating' thoughts on the genetic theory, and how she was about 95% sure Mark was not actually related to us. If that was what she was like sober, god knows what a drunk Kim was like. In fact, that was something I never, ever wanted to find out.

I'm pretty sure Heidi had the biggest house in Midland. Supposedly having a father who's the son of an old Texas oil tycoon meant that your finances were kind of large to say the least. It also meant that your house got to be featured on MTV Cribs.

The party had already started by the time we arrived so I quickly went off in search of Dan and Eric. It didn't take me long to find them. Dan was in his natural habitat – the kitchen - rifling through Heidi's refrigerator like it was his own in an attempt to find whipped cream to go on his cracker/cheese/ham/sandwich thing (He was a culinary expert – or at least that's what he liked to tell us) and Eric was stood next to him nursing a cigarette and a bottle of whisky while staring pretty obviously at a blonde girls chest.

"Yo, Jake," Dan said, through the mouthful of crap he'd just shoved in his mouth. "I'm seriously baked, man."

Eric, not one for greeting, just chucked a cigarette and a lighter at me in what had recently become are way of acknowledging each other. I lit a cigarette while Dan rolled a joint and after chugging half of Eric's whisky (his dad had a pretty large, expensive supply) I decided to make my way into the living room.

Not that it actually resembled much of a living room anymore. More a moshpit. A moshpit that happened to be full of people I wouldn't mind accidentally hitting in the face. Usually I felt kind of stupid at these things, I mean I liked a party as much as the next guy, but with these people…not so much. However it didn't take me long to forget about everything and just lose myself in the continuous replay of crappy chart music and dubstep, marijuana and beer. Turns out that jumping up and down for hours can be sort of fun.

By this time the party had pretty much dissolved into all out drunkenness. People were jumping into the pool, Hunter Price had set up a game of strip poker (Although I highly doubt that was because he wanted to see naked guys) and Roger, a guy who it was rumoured used to live in an Amish community in Minnesota, was running around topless spraying everyone with silly string. Very, very weird.

I stumbled off in search of Eric and Dan, realising swiftly that I was way past the point of making any kind of rational decisions. I found Dan skateboarding down the stairs (an act doomed to fail every time) while Eric practically dry humped some emo girl against the kitchen counter. Maybe I'd just go find the bathroom instead.

This proved to be a harder feat than I first thought. Turned out the Carson house had a lot of rooms to go with their super-sized house. And evidently it wasn't the first room I tried, you know if I took the loud grunting noises for any consideration.

I tried the second door across the hall, and next thing I knew I was being dragged in the room and somebody was kissing me.


	4. Chapter 4

January 7th 2011

Dear Friend,

I have woken up to some pretty scary things in my life. This, though, this was ridiculous.

And no, the scariest thing wasn't the fact that I was in a room with pink walls or that there was a giant purple stuffed unicorn eyeing me up from the other side of the room, or even that there was somebody lying next to me with perfectly highlighted blonde hair. No, the scariest part was when I looked over to see who the perfectly highlighted hair belonged to, to see Heidi-freaking-Carson lying there.

And no, my first thoughts were not that Heidi Carson owned a giant purple unicorn.

A strangled cry escaped my mouth and I leaped out of the bed, only to realize a moment later that I was completely butt naked and pick up my pants in an attempt to shield my modesty. Slowly I backed into the wall.

This could not be happening.

Heidi's eyes snapped open.

"You…" I cried, pointing at her intensely, "How… _why_?" I was well aware that I had a serious case of word vomit and that it was…_projectile_ but I was at no means to stop it. "But you're naked! And you're in the bed. I'm naked! I was in the bed…"

She looked at me like I was completely retarded. "Yes…"

"Please tell me I'm having a bad hallucinogenic mushroom trip – am I being punk'd? Is Ashton Kutcher hiding in your over sized closet right now?"

She rolled her eyes. "Christ. If I'd known you were going to react like a little girl I would've set my alarm and woke earlier."

Now it was my turn to stare at her like she was crazy. Her overall calmness confused the hell out of me. Talk about mindfuck. "How…how are you being so calm about this? Don't you get it? My penis entered your vagina."

"Yes, well," She arched a flawless eyebrow, "That generally is the definition of sex."

God, was she always so patronizing?

"But - but I hate you, always have. There is no way I would've done this unless my drink had been spiked with Ritalin."

"Well if it makes you feel any better, Jake, I hate you to." She patted the bed next to her, like I was some sort of irritating dog she was forced into being nice to. "Come sit."

Slowly, I edged towards the bed.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"What, Chris? Please he doesn't own me, as much as he wants to."

She looked straight ahead, a determined look in her eye.

"What do we do now then," I asked, my voice softening. I was definitely beginning to feel the effects of a killer hangover. "I mean from here."

"Well no one can find out about this of course."

"Obviously. I'd rather die than have anyone know I slept with you."

I did not expect to see the look of hurt that crossed her face. "What? Jesus. Am I that repulsive?"

"No - of course not - you know…it's just on principle really."

She stroked my cheek, her gaze making me feel uncomfortable. In fact, the whole hand-touching-my-face made me uncomfortable. "Well you should probably go now, if you don't want anyone to see you."

"Um okay then." I stood then turning away from her. "Don't look."

She rolled her eyes again. "Whatever. I know it's not a chocolate frog you're hiding down there."

This was a dream. I was sure of it. I must have fallen over on my way to the bathroom and hit my head. This was all probably some weird nightmare my subconscious had come up with. Jesus, what if I was in a coma? Mom would be so pissed if I was in a coma. I ran a hand through my hair to check for blood.

"Right…okay…see you at school."

Queue the most awkward exist in the history of exists, which basically involved me running topless from the house and down the street. As if I didn't look guilty enough already. Now I'd been seen running away from the scene of the crime.

This day sucked.

* * *

"Jake, doing the walk of shame, I see."

Sarah was sat on the hood of her car, looking miserable. Maybe even more miserable than me. She waved me over, and scooted over so I could sit next to her.

"How did you know?" I asked.

She raised her eyebrows, "Your shirts on inside out."

"Dammit, and there I was thinking I got away with it."

She laughed, but her eyes were red and puffy like she'd been crying. I don't think I could even recall the last time I'd seen Sarah cry, probably back in middle school. I'd always admired this ability of hers; while everyone else fell apart she was the only one who ever seemed to have her shit together.

"So who was the lucky girl, Jakey?"

"Trust me, I don't think you'd believe me if I told you – and don't call me Jakey!" Honestly I still didn't believe it myself. For the first time in my life I was conflicted. Conflicted was not a word I would usually associate with myself – Mark maybe – but not me.

"Ooh sounds scandalous, little brother, now I'm interested."

"My lips are firmly sealed. A better question is, why were you crying, Sarah?"

She avoided my gaze, instead pretending to be more interested in the distant sounds of Kyle and Nigel abseiling down the side of the house. "I wasn't…"

"You can't lie to me Sarah, we're almost twins remember."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. 10 months difference. Blah, blah, blah."

"And don't you forget it,' I said, putting on what I regarded as an emotional voice. '_I'll always have your back._"

She made a choking noise in the back of her throat. "Christ, Jake, this isn't a lifetime movie."

I chuckled. "I know, it's just I've always wanted to say that."

She wrinkled her nose. "God, you stink. You should lay off the death sticks."

"Stop changing the subject," I protested. Sarah was good at this. It was her way of never showing weakness. Just like Mark's was too do a lot of drugs, and Kim's was to use her intelligence as a way of making herself feel more superior.

It seemed like the Baker children had an issue with appearing vulnerable.

"Well…let's just say I saw someone I haven't seen in a long time last night."

"Who? Was it James?" James was her last boyfriend and longest relationship. Their epic romance had lasted a grand total of three months. She shook her head. "_Oh_, was it Parker?" Parker was her ex, ex boyfriend. She shook her head again. "Chris? Michael? Brett?"

"Dammit, Jake stop. You make it sound like I've dated the entire football team."

I raised an eyebrow. Clearly I'd hit a nerve. "Who was it then?"

"Eliot Murtaugh."

It was a while before I could control my laughter.


End file.
